Written by Dr. Dave Curri柯瑞博士 and Glen.Hoos戈蓝.胡斯


After the multi-party talks and engage in marital counseling, I am sure there is a more unusual topic, highlighting its strong lethality destroy marriages today.

Poor communication? Money disputes? Sexual disharmony? For decades these issues have been classified into three major killers failed marriage! Many marriages are undoubtedly arise from the first three factors fizzled. But I think they are no longer a champion!

My experience indicates that another marriage gradually amplified executioner. Once you hear that name, you will not be surprised what it is.

Today the number one killer of marriage : unresolved cobwebs

Emotional burden. Because it is often hidden in the bottom of the heart, so do not see what might have detonated the financial crisis or sex. But in fact it is a deadly poison, it will slowly engulf the whole marriage off from the inside out.

Each of us will be with their own past them into the marriage, personal history affect our future relationships. The fact is that everyone is laden with various degrees of ill health, clearly does not solve the issue and possible blind spots in relation to marriage. Some scars are due to physical, emotional or sexual abuse cause; others are lingering regret over sexual misconduct among the points. People due to broken relationships, marital discord, alcoholism or other major family of origin issues into marriage dilemma, this trend is gradually on the rise in. In the opposite end of it, those who are very blessed. They came from a happy dysfunctional family, marriage itself often have unrealistic daydream or look forward to be able to enjoy themselves expect a certain type of lifestyle, so also will go wrong.

This type of difficulty Apparently, some seem serious than many other problems. But if any of them let it go without a detour to solve, will grow in power and fester. Later it will penetrate the body of toxins, and obstruction of people’s freedom and clear thinking, the ability to consciously healthy and normal reaction. That’s what really make this poison in the beginning of the destruction of the marriage relationship.

Sometimes we avoid dealing with the problem of those big head, thinking: “Oh, maybe they will automatically disappear too maybe.” The truth is if you like the chances are minimal.

Time does not heal all wounds, unless we can take the first step course of action to promote healing. Therefore, a promise: the determination to remove the burden of the heart of it! Your marriage is perfect and harmonious balance of all households rely on this in one fell swoop.

Face your blind spot

When you start to count your past life which the burden is still entangles when your life now, you must have the following three conditions: complete honesty, a willingness to want to delve into, and in addition to your spouse Another trusted friend.

We all have a tendency to narrow their own mistakes and missing. We are those who do not like but poor performance on a very important thing, so we develop a lot of blind spots. Lay down your burden depends on whether you are ready to have this determination: “Maybe I do have some difficulty here, but I am willing to look at it carefully.” You need to have a more open mind to face their own problems. The first step is to admit to heal the soul is there is a problem here.

We must also have sufficient courage to drill below the surface. Maybe you have emotional control issues, and it is very obvious. Paizhuo Timen you stretch it, a move that greatly affect the family room. So myself, which is really bad temper to be a good deal about it. But equally important is that you must try to uncover the buried beneath layers of things that temper. Why are you so easy to lose control? What makes your anger suddenly rushed to the boiling point? What can help you change your whole attitude?

This is the reason why it takes a true friend to participate in this process of healing lies. The good friend, does not mean the kind of light we will certainly reassure us: “it is not so bad!” Friend. My so-called “true friend” is a deep friendship with each other, he was able to secure full of courage and virtue of love to us to tell the truth: “You know it, David, you occasionally cross indeed righteous anger □ Do you perceive yourself quite “self-centered” is? also quite a lot of self-righteous preconceived preset positions and views? ”

Sometimes, we all need to be Mengchuai foot, so that his back in the right direction, just as when we need to encourage growth in general. This task is usually best to fall in addition to our spouse better person. The candidate should have a long-term and we have laid the foundation of friendship, is the same sex, and really for our benefit to shoes.

□ I know that in his life, some places I can not see, but sometimes my wife is not the best person to help me. I value the critical role of some good friends in my life played. As shown in the book of Proverbs 27 verse 6: “wounds of a friend, out of loyalty; kisses of an enemy, it is superfluous.” Do not approach the flatter you, find a true friend is willing to take good care of you and the courage to speak to Zheng Advice you.

Stop blaming others

You can not want to have to unlock the burden without prior recognition and embrace them. Naturally, we want to blame someone else. There are too many people waste your life in repeatedly saying: “If my dad or my mom had to do today to would not be …; if this situation never happened … it was not my fault.”

On some views you want to carry their own liability should be; you have to be responsible for the day. Yes, other people have hurt you stumble, but you do not have to responsible for their actions. But you have the right to choose how to respond to it. You can let that hurt outlast your life, or you can use it to grow even more tough. You must be determined to move forward.

We let others who blame game over the bar! Because it does not change the facts. Many marriages due to bad ball they were led astray in the past □ trapped some people wronged them in some things. The next moment determined to provoke a responsibility to be responsible for starting your own life. Take the initiative to make the situation has improved to the right choice. To seek the help they need. Not because someone else wrong choice, make your own quality of life is reduced.

Freedom comes from a willingness to forgive

You want to get freedom from past hurts, and forgiveness is a very critical final step. You have come to a point where all those who let people hurt you and things, let it go, do not care about eleven.

No matter how brutal those hurt, more memorable, more distant, regardless of its negative impact in your life how much you do not want to know if the roots extend forgiveness, you are led astray in that hotbed of bitterness and revenge among prisoners. The person who hurt you can not because you refuse to forgive him and affected in the slightest. However, you do not forgive men their grievances will wrap you are not free to love your partner and children. A bitter person can not effectively love others.

Let all relieved not easy. That person may not deserve to be forgiven and you will not beg for mercy. But you still have to extend your forgiveness, because in order to benefit your own sake, that will be removed from the heavy load on your back. In fact, someone once said: “Bitterness is like a knife inserted in his intestines where it will turn ah, the knife slicing knife with you.” Once you can forgive people, that knife came out.

A perfect marriage of sound only two people in which you just can get. How do you behave today? Are you carrying 100 pounds in the past filled with hurt and disappointment burden move? Put those down, you will be pleasantly surprised to do so will enhance your marriage to a higher realm.

No matter how your past, God can help you put it in the back, into a blessing for your benefit. Grasp the promise of Jesus: “People who are weary and burdened, you can come to me, I will give you rest gentle and humble in my heart, my yoke upon you and learn from me style, so your hearts ye shall receive. enjoy the rest For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. “. (Matthew 11: 28-30)

“If the Son shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.” □ John 8: 36 □


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  • Serena Wang 蔡佩芬 said: 親愛的Anne 感謝你的信任,從你的提問我可以感受到你很關心你的孩子,也能夠體會你的無奈,請問你有帶他去看過心理醫... Read More »
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